Many of us today are trapped in what positive psychologist Dr.
Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.
D.
, author of "The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life", calls "The Myth of Perfection".
We want to have a perfect body, a perfect spouse, a perfect house, perfect children, a perfect career, perfect vacations, the perfect car, and so on.
This eternal striving for perfection leaves us feeling frustrated, disappointed, and dissatisfied.
The solution, then, is to overcome your perfectionist tendencies.
This article will show you how.
People who are labeled as "perfectionists" are often quick to respond to this accusation with the following: "I just have high standards".
And, of course, having high standards is a good thing.
People with high standards are committed, hard working, and perseverant; in addition, they pay attention to detail.
At the same time, these are the qualities that are necessary in order to achieve great things.
However, there's a difference between striving for excellence, and striving for perfection.
Excellence is attainable, while perfection is not.
The problem is that the line between striving for excellence and striving for perfection is often blurry.
It can be difficult to determine where one ends and the other begins.
Below you'll find guidelines to help you see the difference between the two.
Those who strive for perfection do the following: • They set unrealistic, impossible to achieve goals.
• They're maladaptive and don't tolerate criticism of any sort.
• They're paralyzed by their fear of failure and prefer not to take action rather than risk failing.
• They think that it's all about reaching the finish line.
• They live in a fantasy world in which nothing ever goes wrong.
• They want total happiness, all of the time.
• They can't cope with making a mistake.
• They want to do everything "just right" the first time.
• They tend to get stuck at the fact-gathering stage of a project because they want to know everything that there is to know about their subject matter.
Those who strive for excellence do the following: • They set important, meaningful, realistic goals.
• They're adaptive and are open to receiving constructive criticism.
• They try to minimize their chances of failing by taking precautions and working hard, and then taking any necessary risks.
• They know that the process and the journey are more important than the outcome.
• They live in reality and they know that there are limits and constraints.
• They accept that negative emotions are a part of life.
• They know that mistakes are part of the process of learning something new.
• They know that getting better at something is a gradual process.
• They gather the necessary information, and then take action.
If your enjoyment of life or your ability to get things done has been affected by your perfectionist tendencies, take a look at the guidelines above and begin moving away from wanting to be perfect, to aiming for excellence.
You may even be surprised to discover that you start getting better results-in all areas of your life-once you relax your standards.