Some people are bullies.
It may not be their intention: they may be stressed, angry, feeling insecure, angry or threatened.
Whatever their reasons, the fact is that when we find ourselves faced with a bully we may struggle in how to proceed.
We may need a little advice or support in what to do next.
Here are some tips for dealing with a bully: - At first there is often the temptation to try to placate a bully.
Many of us dread confrontation and want nothing more than to defuse an angry, stressful situation.
We may be tempted to remonstrate, to explain our case, justify ourselves and our actions.
Often though a bully is not looking to be appeased.
They are often looking for an opportunity to vent and release their anger and frustration.
Trying to engage in a rational dialogue is unlikely to calm the situation.
- Many of us have heard of the child who is picked on until they decide to fight the toughest bully, have a fist fight in the play ground.
From that moment on the bullying stops.
Standing up to a bully is often a solution; after all, if the person being picked on refuses to be bullied then the situation no longer exists.
However, encouraging a child to become aggressive in order to deal with aggression is not an ideal remedy.
- As adults, refusing to be drawn into an angry exchange or rise to the bait can be an effective response to bullying.
Acting dumb, appearing unaware and naive about the significance of certain comments or actions can defuse a bullying situation.
Smiling and appearing oblivious to bullying behaviour may well cause the bully to become bored with the ineffectiveness of their behaviour; their plaything is refusing to join in.
- Saying 'don't bully me' can sometimes shock the bully into thinking about how they behave, how their actions appear to others.
They may have thought that they were being enthusiastic, encouraging others to do something that they believed they should do.
Saying 'don't bully me' out loud demonstrates assertiveness, a refusal to accept their behaviour.
It is also an effective way to make them consider their attitude towards others.
- Some bullies may use silence.
The inferred, implied criticism and disapproval of their silence can have a major impact on the recipient's behaviour.
Emotional blackmail, disapproval, disappointment can be conveyed very effectively by the use of silence, the withdrawal of affection and interaction.
Being on the receiving end can be frustrating, distressing and stressful.
- Some people find themselves trapped in bullying situations.
They may have a partner, manager, teacher, colleague from whom there is no immediate prospect of escape.
It is important to keep evidence of examples of bullying.
A diary log can be useful as an aide memoir of facts and dates and can be used to provide the relevant authorities, police or management with factual accounts of specific occasions.
It also helps remind the victim of what has happened in the past, the magnitude of what they have endured.
- An ally can help a victim cope with feeling victimized and bullied.
Having someone to talk to, perhaps share their feelings with can help a person get through each day and feel less alone.
Bullying often erodes a person's self-confidence and can gradually cause them to feel insignificant and down trodden.
Having a friend, an ally can make all the difference and help them feel supported and more positive.
- Satisfying interests away from the bullying environment are an important way of maintaining good health and bringing balance back into life.
Being involved in activities that provide positive feedback, a sense of accomplishment and friendship can help reduce the impact of bullying in other areas of life.
Good, supportive relationships are an important way of retaining one's own identity and remaining positive about oneself and ones life.